Confessions
by EA Thomas
Summary: Jack has always been a little too cocky for his own good...what happens when he has to face his own fears?


I have to say this sooo much here lately that I feel like I'm at some kinda AA meeting..."Hi my name is Ashley and I don't own Stargate!" It never was and might be mine one day...we'll see...for now I'm just borrowing it!!! All the characters will resume their normal boring lives and continue agravating all the shippers out there once I am done with them...so enjoy cause when you stop reading this Sam is going back to Pete...(&&/..... you know what I mean...READ ON...

Daniel had walked out of the kitchen and onto the front porch with the rest of the guests before Sam and Jack had started yelling but he could hear them now—everyone could.

It was completely out of character and all the guests knew it as they slowly stopped talking amongst them selves and looked to the house as the voices began to drift off as it was clear that they were taking the argument to the back of the house to get away from the party.

It was Sam who was retreating to the back room where their conversation could be concealed from on lookers who could no doubt hear them loud and clear. She had never yelled at Jack like this before. All these years she had kept the line between them—he was her Commanding Officer and he deserved her respect—but now he had crossed that line—and he was no longer acting as her Commanding Officer…

Sam walked down to the end of the hall and into his bedroom—once inside Jack slammed the door behind him Sam turned on her heels and glared at him with her hands on her hips—it was the only thing she could do to keep herself from strangling the man before her.

"Oh! You are so not getting away with that!" Jack yelled as he closed the distance between them and stood nose to nose with his second in command—who had recently become something or someone else for he would never have a conversation like this with someone in his chain of command.

It all started two days ago…

They had been off world for the last three weeks and all of SG-1 was eager to get home and take some time off. It was Daniel's idea to have the cook out—a decision he would soon regret. It was only supposed to be the four of them but after the word getting out around the base the guest list quickly grew into a house full of people—who were currently standing outside in his front yard.

All was going well—Jack had even managed to carry on a conversation with Pete and Daniel, granted he was well on his way to the other end of sobriety by then and he couldn't remember what he actually said to the man—nevertheless, it was Jack that had opened his mouth and started the fight and it was Jack that wasn't remembering his place in the world and where he stood with Sam Carter-- or better put, where he didn't stand with Sam Carter.

All these years he had been so good at keeping his mouth shut and knew better than to bring certain subjects up around Carter. But the six beers he downed before the party and eight rounds of Jack Daniel's he had challenged Daniel to were showing themselves and his mouth was running full force.

He was so mad he could have easily punched the woman standing in front of him—but the little bit of his lucidity that remained kept him from taking this argument too far and at the moment he felt content at just glaring at her as they stood nose to nose.

"I can't believe you said that!" She yelled, trying to get the upper hand on the argument.

"Yeah, well I said it... get over it!" He yelled taking a swig off his beer.

She looked down to the beer bottle in his hand and tried to rationalize the situation—he was drunk after all. "You're drunk. You don't mean this." She said trying to calm herself.

"I might be drunk as hell but I meant every word that I said… in fact--I'm thinking clearly for the first time in a long time!" He couldn't stand steady and had to shift his balance as he yelled. "And personally…_Sa—Man--tha_… you are pissing me off!"

"This is none of your business!" She broke from their face off and walked away from him, but before she could take to steps he snatched her by the arm and whirled her back around to him.

"Bull shit it none of my business! YOU are my business. "

"Not THIS time!" She had to knock his hand free from her arm—he wasn't playing around this time.

"Look I'm not going to argue with you about this."

"Good because it's not _your_ choice." She said trying to regain her composure.

"No," He said setting his beer bottle on the nightstand near his bed and walked up behind her. "I'm not going to argue with you because I'm _ordering_ you NOT to go. Permission denied _Major_!"

"You can't-" She spun on her heels and the anger returned to her eyes.

"Yes I can, I just did. See that how it works, I like being in charge." He crossed his arms over his chest as though his word was final and couldn't be changed.

Sam knew she wasn't going to be able to win this fight by fighting back—she had to work around him. "You can't keep me here." She said in a calmer voice that made Jack take notice of the tears in her eyes.

"Watch me." He said, now even more defined in his position of authority.

"Sir—" She paused, knowing that taking this back to a professional based conversation might get her point across. "I don't belong here anymore—and I'm leaving whether or not you give me permission."

"Oh so we're down to disobeying a direct order now?" There was that tone—he was gearing up to start yelling again.

"If that's what it takes, yeah." She wasn't about to back down, if she was ever to get a life of her own he needed to know that this was it.

"Fine! Go with him! He's doesn't even love you Carter and I can't believe you are being THIS stupid about it!" He said getting in her face again as he fought against the part of him that wanted to be lost in her eyes—that at the moment showed nothing but anger and hatred toward him.

"I have to go." She said backing away as she tried to hold back the tears that were already stinging her eyes at the corners.

He hadn't expected her to walk away without the fight ending and he knew that if he wanted answers he would have to change his approach. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and looked at her as she headed for the door. "Why?" He said in a tone that showed defeat.

"There's nothing left for me here you know that." She was still facing the door, she couldn't look back at him—she didn't want to.

"Sam…this is your home." He said softly as he walked up behind her.

"Jack…don't, I have to go." She whispered, knowing just how close he was to her she looked down to the floor and closed her eyes to keep from seeing his face.

"You don't have to leave." He whispered as his lips hovered near her ear.

His chest was barely touching her back, but it was enough to unnerve Sam—but also enough to keep her from moving a muscle.

She wanted to be angry at him, to hold on to the words that he had said—the words that had broken her heart.

"There's nothing keeping me here." She said noting that he had reached for her hand and taken it away from the door handle and was now gently holing her fingers at her hip.

"Nothing?" He asked still keeping a small distance between them. "You mean no one?"

"I have to go." She said suddenly becoming aware that he was winning—she had to get out of that room. With her free hand she reached for the door handle once again—but as soon as she cracked the door his hand reached around her and closed it.

"No," he said taking her shoulders and turning her around. He took a step forward and she backed against the door—no escape now. His arms on either side of her as he pressed his palms against the door and leaned into her—his lips now millimeters away from her own. "I'm not letting you leave like this."

"Please don't do this. Just let me go." She was starting to loose control now, the tears were beginning to well up in her eyes again and this time she didn't thinks he could fend them off.

"No." His voice had a tone to it that she had never heard before—something that let her know he wasn't going to walk away this time. It was ironic, the one time she wanted him to walk away and dismiss the feelings they felt for each other and he wasn't backing down.

"Why now?" She said trying to maintain control of the last ounce of her resolve.

He didn't answer—couldn't answer. He only stared deeper into her eyes, those eyes that he knew would be the death of him.

"Tell me." She pleaded as the tears ran free across her cheeks. But she didn't bother to brush them away. She reached out and touched his face—bringing him to life with her touch. He in turn brought his hands up to meet her own as her fingers moved into his hairline. "If you are ever going to level with me…do it now."

He let her hand find its way to his neck and gave into her touch.

Sam recognized the doubt and fear she suddenly saw in him, and something in her softened-- she knew she couldn't leave. She pulled his forehead to rest on her own as he slowly let his arms fall around her. "If you ask me… to stay… I will." She felt his body respond to her words. It wasn't even a movement—it was more like an energy that ran through his body and into hers.

And in that moment he came to life, pulling her into his arms and leaning in closer as he looked into her eyes with an intensity that almost scared her.

All these years the yearning he denied himself had been imprisoned and twisted into a fire that burned beneath the cold and unyielding surface of military protocol that forbid any knowledge of its existence.

So long the fire had burned inside him, but he refused to let it consume him. He refused to let it take hold of him. But now, the fire had melted its prison…and the passion and love he'd kept at bay was now flowing through him…

He didn't remember when the unspoken bond between them had been created. It had simply been there—always. It had grown through the years, only being acknowledged in slight glances and the touch of a hand that lasted a moment and until now—it had been enough. But now he wanted more. He couldn't let her leave, he couldn't loose her… it would kill him.

"I…I love you." He said with a moments pause before letting himself smile.

The floodgates were open. That wall that had stood between them all those years, preventing them from crossing any lines…

"Sir-"

"You're gonna call me Sir—now?"

Repositioning her hands on her face, she smiled as she steadied him. "Jack."

"Yeah?" He said in a rugged breath.

"I'll stay." She said smiling.

"Really?" Jack asked as though life had been renewed in him.

"All you had to do was ask."

Her words echoed in his mind and before he knew it his lips had found hers.

In that moment, all weariness instantly left his body. There was a renewed sense of control in him now and he didn't fight to hold back anything as he pulled her into his chest as their kiss took on a life of its own…burning through both of them.

Jack was rapidly loosing control and had to force himself to pull away from her for a moment and became lost in her eyes. Holding her, touching her it all seemed as natural as breathing.

It was only a moment before he dove in once more and melded his lips to her own and in one motion, swept her up in his arms and headed for his bed.

There was no going back now. He moved over to the bed with her in his arms and laid her down--following her as she lay back against the pillows. Before he knew it she was on top of him kissing his neck and pulling at the collar of his shirt. He wanted to live in that moment forever—but soon pulled her back to his lips and as he slowly began to pull her dress off her shoulders.

Everything became a blur, as though he was watching them from across the room…

Then, beyond the room he heard the soft sweet voice calling to him…

"Sir? SIR?"

It was only a moment that he leaned back into his chair and answered her…then the reality of the situation sent him flailing about in his chair and into the floor.

As his eyes focused on his surroundings he recognized his desk, chair—his office.

Carter moved around to the side of the desk and looked down to him as he sat in the floor holding onto the chair for dear life. "Sir are you ok?" She asked, stooping down in front of him and reaching out for his shoulder. "General O'Neill?"

He jumped back from her touch and hit his head against the desk. "What the--!?" Focusing on her for the first time he squinted up at her as she stood over him. "Sam?' He said wrinkling his forehead as he stared at her.

"Are you okay, Sir?"

"Yeah, I'm great. Why do you ask?" He asked as he stumbled to his feet.

"Sir, we were supposed to meet in the briefing room ten minutes ago... I came to find you."

"I must have nodded off." He said looking down at his chair.

"Are you ok Sir ?"

"I'm good," He said walking around the desk. "Lead the way." He said motioning to the door.

"Are you sure you're alright, Sir?" She asked looking over her shoulder at him.

"Yeah I'm fine, couldn't be better." He said ushering her out into the hallway.

Looking back at the door to his office O'Neill paused—"What the hell was that?!"

O'Neill sat in his chair leaning heavily on his right arm so he could halfway cover his eyes with is hand—so he didn't have to look at her. He was honestly trying to pay attention to what Daniel was prattling on about, however he couldn't keep his thoughts from the rather interesting dream he had...

This was bad, defiantly not a good thing to be happening during a briefing…'the mission,' Jack thought to him self 'concentrate on the mission damnit!'

He couldn't stop the images from replaying in his mind… the feel of her skin the scent of her hair still in his nostrils—it felt real.

"Jack?" Daniel asked noticing that he was no longer looking at the projection screen he was explaining.

"Wha?" He asked, looking around the room as though he'd been caught doing—something.

"Well I was just talking about the atmosphere of PX 4509…were you listening?"

"Yeah, of course I was…planet…funny atmosphere… you can handle it--" He said readjusting in his seat.

Daniel dismissed his comment as Jack just being—Jack. Carter on the other hand wasn't buying it…she knew something was up with her Commanding Officer.

After the briefing, Jack fled from the room to hide in his office. A place he rarely visited but at the moment the small room felt it was the only place he was going to be able to gather himself.

Just as he settled into his chair and rested his head on the headrest…Carter knocked on the door as she stood in the doorway.

"Sir?" She asked, waiting for him to call her in.

He said nothing, only picked his head up and glared over at her.

"Not now Carter." He mumbled, turning away from her in his chair.

"Sir…" Her voice was pleading with him. That one word spoke volumes.

"What?" He barked, suddenly turning the chair back to her direction as he jerked his head up from the back of the chair.

"Sir—I just wanted to make sure that you were alright. When I came in before—you were acting…odd." Said as she planted her feet firmly in front of his desk.

"I just uh—I'm fine Carter…don't you have some packing to do or something?"

"Yes Sir, but—"

"No buts—pack up and get some rest before you guys head out and make sure Teal'c takes his Tetronin before you leave—he gets a little trigger happy if he misses a dose."

Something in her told her to pry into this, that there was more to this than he was letting on—something was wrong. But as a good soldier, she nodded at his orders and exited quietly.

Watching her leave, Jack sat back in his chair and covered his eyes with his hands—get a grip man!

Two hours and a much-needed coffee break later, Jack was walking through the hallway on his way to the gateroom to send of SG-1. As he rounded the corner—something stopped him in his tracks. It was a sound—a familiar sound…Goul'ed? He retraced his steps until he saw the open door and peaked in. What he saw made him drop his coffee cup in the floor. In the darkness he saw Teal'c with a Goul'ed communication sphere in his hand—talking to Ba'al.

"TEAL'C!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" He stormed into the room and knocked the sphere to the floor as he stared Teal'c down as though he were about to pummel him into the ground.

"You are weak minded and easily fooled O'Neill. For years I have deceived you and you have called me brother—but you will soon feel the wrath of Ba'al."

Jack didn't know what to say—all he could hear was his own screams echoing through the halls as everything around him turned to darkness. He felt the cold tile floor under his body and knew he was still in the SGC by the hum of the air conditioner.

"JACK! What are you doing?! JACK!?" It was Daniel's voice calling to him, from where he wasn't sure.

When he managed to open his eyes—he saw Daniel hovering over him. O'Neill lay on the ground flailing his arms and legs as Daniel tried to hold him down. As Daniel half way sat on O'Neill to keep him down two guards and a medical team came running down the hall. The guards restrained O'Neill as the two nurses quickly prepped him for the back board. Doctor Smith knelt by his side and injected him with a sedative and he instantly relaxed. His eyes rolled into the back of his head Daniel stayed by his side.

"Daniel—Teal'c…he's a traitor…" His last words before drifting into unconsciousness left Daniel dumbfounded.

In the infirmary, O'Neill lay in the darkened corner while Carter, Daniel and Teal'c spoke with the doctor as she reviewed his test results.

"As far as I can tell he's perfectly fine. I can't find anything wrong with him."

"Are you sure? I mean…he walked right into the storage room and started yelling that Teal'c was a traitor…that's not normal." Daniel said.

"I'm sorry Doctor Jackson, but the tests confirm it. I'm going to put him on bed rest for a few days. It could be that the new command is more stressful than he is willing to admit to—he might just need time to adjust."

"I thought he was adjusting just fine…" Daniel said under his breath as Carter stood beside him— abviously not buying the doctors explanation.

"General O'Neill isn't just going to sit around and take it easy." Carter retorted.

"Then I'll secure him to his quarters—one way or another, he's going to have to relax." The doctor said, walking back to her office and leaving the three of them in the room with Gen. O'Neill.

Daniel watched the doctor leave the room and turned to Carter as he tried to keep his voice from traveling down the hall. "Are you believing this at all?"

"It's not like General O'Neill to respond to stress like this—he usually just—"

"Blows stuff up?" Daniel blurted out, in response Teal'c lifted his eye brow and Carter had to stop herself from laughing. From the commotion, O'Neill moaned in his sleep and stirred but then settled back into his drug-induced sleep.

"Come on, let's let him rest." She said taking Daniel by the arm as Teal'c followed them out into the hall.

As O'Neill woke to the symptoms of a hangover, he kept his eyes closed until he felt around him. Immediately recognizing the smell in the air and the feel of the sheet beneath him he knew exactly where he was—the SGC infirmary.

"Oh man…what the—" he mumbled as he sat up in the bed holding his head as the room began to spin.

"Hello General, how are you feeling?" Doctor Smith asked as she walked to his side.

"What did you give me?"

"Nothing, why do you ask?"

"It feels like I got a hangover—a big hangover." He said letting his feet hang off the bed as he held on to the sides to steady himself.

"Sir—what's the last thing you remember?"

He recognized this line of questioning and knew it wasn't going to lead to anything good. "Coffee—I was headed for the gate room with my coffee."

"That's all?"

"Yeah—"

As Doctor Smith continued with the questions, Carter walked in and stopped short of the bed.

"Sir, how are you feeling?" She had wanted to be there when he woke up—but something had kept her away.

"Carter—wana tell me what's going on? Doc here is actin like I'm crazy." She paused before a response but the look on her face was all he needed. "What?" Now he knew something was going on and he wasn't sure if he wanted the answer.

As Carter approached his bed side, Doctor Smith nodded to her to speak with him before walking back to her office—maybe Carter would be better at getting answers for him.

"Sir, what's the last thing you remember?" Standing by the bedside she crossed her arms over her chest as a last attempt at feeling at ease.

"Ahh, same thing I told the Doc. I was walking to the gateroom with my coffee…"

"That's it?"

"Yeah." Turning towards Carter a he took her arm and pulled her closer to him. "Carter, what the hell is going on? Did I do something I don't know about—again?"

"Sir—Daniel found you on level 22 in a storage room yelling that Teal'c was a traitor—when he tried to clam you down you became violent."

"Did I hit anyone?" He was getting worried now—this wasn't just a joke anymore.

"He's okay Sir. He's got a black eye but he'll be fine."

"I hit Daniel. Of all the times I wanted to do that and I don't remember it when I do—just my luck."

"Sir—"

"Well, am I okay? Can I leave or is that tyrant gonna make me stay?" He was returning to normal now, and she felt more comfortable being this close to him—but his hand was burning her arm.

"As far as the Doctor can tell there is nothing wrong with you."

"Good, so I can get outta here?" He said standing from the bed—momentarily forgetting that he wasn't completely dressed.

"Uhm, yes Sir—but not before you uhmm-"

"Before I what? I'm not doing anymore tests."

"Get dressed, Sir." She said trying to conceal the smile on her face.

"Oh. Yes…good idea." He said instantly reaching to the back of his hospital gown to check that it was closed.

"I'll be in my lab if you need me Sir." She said walking out into the hall. Maybe it was just stress—maybe he would be okay now.

Feeling somewhat relieved that Doc Smith had given him a clean bill of health, O'Neill dressed and headed for the commissary. He couldn't help but feel as though something were following him…

He made his way into the commissary and sat down with a loaded plate of scrambled eggs, pancakes and sausage—he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten an actual meal.

"Hey Jack." Daniel said standing away from the table as O'Neill looked up to him.

"Rumor has it that I hit you." He said plainly.

"Yeah…about that."

"Sit down Daniel—it's safe."

"I know you mean to."

"I didn't say that I didn't mean it—I just said it was safe."

"So what did the Doctor say?"

"Nothin wrong—I'm normal."

"Well…you being normal doesn't necessarily mean that there's nothing wrong with you."

"Was that a joke? That was pretty good—I'm proud of you Daniel."

"Really, what did the doctor say."

"She'll probably say its stress."

"Is it stress?"

"NO."


End file.
